Think about the last meeting you were in. Could you say how everything was (or wasn’t!) decided? Not the headline – the thread of the discussion, who changed their minds, what was left unresolved.
Most of us couldn’t. The average office worker spends around 12 hours a week in meetings, either in person or remotely, and the overwhelming majority admit to losing concentration in at least some of them. I know how easily it happens. You start out present, then your attention slides off onto something else, and by the time you find your way back, the conversation has moved on. Sometimes you catch up, and sometimes you don’t, which means you sit there for the rest of the meeting hoping nobody asks you a direct question.
Here’s what makes that more than a minor embarrassment: contributing well is almost impossible when you’ve only half heard what came before. You can’t build on someone’s point, challenge a point, or offer the one thing you know that nobody else in the room does. And if you want to impress the person who runs your organisation, you need to be able to speak up thoughtfully at the right moment.
The good news is that this is common, it isn’t a character flaw, and you can improve. But only if you decide to make that change and take action.
Listening has levels
Stephen Covey described five levels of listening, and they’re worth knowing because they give you a way to name what you’re actually doing in a meeting rather than vaguely resolving to “focus more”. Building your awareness of your listening level is a great place to start improving your listening skills.
1. Ignoring. You’re not listening and you’re not pretending to. Phone out, email open, and your mind is elsewhere.
2. Pretending. The nods and the eye contact are there. The attention isn’t.
3. Selective listening. You tune in for the parts that concern you and tune out the rest. This one is sneaky, because it feels productive. You’re being efficient. You’re also missing most of the context that would make your contribution land or might serve you well in the future.
4. Attentive listening. You’re properly following what’s being said: the content, the pace, the shape of the argument.
5. Empathetic listening. You’re listening for the intent underneath the words. What does this person believe? What are they worried about? What haven’t they said?
Where are your levels of listening? In your last one-to-one, which level were you operating at, and what did that do to the quality of the conversation? And in your last team meeting, what level were you at, and what did it cost your contribution?
Nobody runs at level five all day. We don’t need to. The point is to notice which level you’re defaulting to, and in the future to choose your level of listening with intent.
Three ways to climb a level
Prepare yourself, not just your slides. This sounds almost too basic to mention, but concentration runs on physical conditions. Have you eaten? Have you had water? Is there a gap between the last meeting and this one, or are you walking in with your mind still on the previous call? And check your frame of mind honestly: if you’ve got a lot going on, get the to-do list out of your head and onto paper before you sit down. Your brain only has so much capacity – give it space to succeed.
Prepare for the meeting. The meetings where you contribute best are likely to be the ones you walked into knowing something and feeling prepared. What are people likely to raise? What might be their concerns? What have you picked up in conversations beforehand? Twenty minutes of preparation buys you the mental space to listen properly, because you’re no longer working out what you think while someone is still talking.
Manage your environment. It’s close to impossible to listen well with notifications arriving on your desktop or your phone. Unless something is genuinely urgent, turn them off. Put the phone in a drawer or leave it at your desk. Close the tabs you don’t need. This is not about willpower, it’s about removing the thing that’s competing for your attention so you don’t have to win that fight forty times an hour. If you’ve got an in-person meeting, do what you can so you are comfortable there – change the temperature/ light levels / where you’re sitting? And again, making your phone inaccessible is proven to aid concentration levels.
Why this matters more than it sounds
If you’ve recently come back from a period away from work: maternity leave; a secondment; illness or career break this every single interaction you have with the boss will feel even more important. You’re already carrying a sense that the room has moved on without you, and half-listening reinforces exactly that story. Listening at level four or five is the fastest way to rebuild your read on the room, and with it your confidence that your judgement is still sound. It usually is. You just need the information to exercise it.
And if you haven’t been away? It’s still really important for your reputation and personal brand. If you’re seen as a reliable source of helpful contributions and questions, whatever the topic you’ll be consulted more and more on a range of topics which will stand you in good stead for the future.
Pick your next important meeting. Decide before you walk in which level you’re aiming for. Then notice what changes: in what you hear, in what you say, and in how people respond to you.
It’s a small change in your behaviour, but it can reap big rewards quickly.
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